Family--The Ties That May Bind
Saturday, June 03, 2006
"To the family -- that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to."
---
Dodie Smith
Yesterday, I went to a cousin. I had to talk to them about something and I revealed a secret that I’m going to tell you now.
Most of you know me from my personality here, and a rare few know me a little more intimately. When I was younger, my worst fear was that when my mother would pass away, I would be alone; no connections to the outside world nor to my family.
I need to elaborate my family structure. My mother, an only child, had an only child. The extended family on my mother’s side is related to me by her parents. From them, I have a connection with a small number of them. My father has several brothers and sisters. However, my parents separated when I was 10, and my mother moved me from my father and his family when I was 11. I do have an older and a younger brother by two other women, but we do not have a close relationship. I live in Mississippi, and they live in St. Louis.
The secret is this: in essence, once both of my parents are gone, I’ve always felt that I would, in essence, be alone. I have no unique relationship that connects my parents with anyone.
(Yeah. For those who know me, you know that I’m not saying something. I know I’m not saying it. It’s still hard for me to do, and I don’t want to say something that is stuck out there forever just yet.)
Whoa, Nelly, I’ve digressed!
Today, I was reminded of something. My cousin on my mother’s (grandmother’s) side called me to take my great-aunt (my grandmother’s sister) to pay some bills. I spent the day with her doing this, including going to another town (BECAUSE WE LIVE IN THAT SMALL OF A TOWN—SCREAMING!!!!) to pay off one of her loans. I have some stories about our trips to another town (SEE PREVIOUS PARENTHETICAL PHRASE!!! SCREAMING!!!!!!) and the things she has said.
After coming back to town to pay her other utilities, she went grocery shopping. I saw a cousin who is related to me through my great-grandmother—my cousin is her sister’s great-grandchild—who made me smile. My great aunt forgot something at the store. In my efforts to retrieve dog food, I saw a cousin on my father’s side (guess what? I don’t know how he’s related to me! It’s somewhere on my maternal father’s side.) and we talked for a while. After dropping off the dog food, I went over my cousin’s house. We talked for a while.
I was driving home when it hit me. I’m as alone as I want to be. I am created from so much and the evolution to me and of my descendents could create a small town.
Egad. A freaking small town.
SCREAMING!!!!!!!
---
Dodie Smith
Yesterday, I went to a cousin. I had to talk to them about something and I revealed a secret that I’m going to tell you now.
Most of you know me from my personality here, and a rare few know me a little more intimately. When I was younger, my worst fear was that when my mother would pass away, I would be alone; no connections to the outside world nor to my family.
I need to elaborate my family structure. My mother, an only child, had an only child. The extended family on my mother’s side is related to me by her parents. From them, I have a connection with a small number of them. My father has several brothers and sisters. However, my parents separated when I was 10, and my mother moved me from my father and his family when I was 11. I do have an older and a younger brother by two other women, but we do not have a close relationship. I live in Mississippi, and they live in St. Louis.
The secret is this: in essence, once both of my parents are gone, I’ve always felt that I would, in essence, be alone. I have no unique relationship that connects my parents with anyone.
(Yeah. For those who know me, you know that I’m not saying something. I know I’m not saying it. It’s still hard for me to do, and I don’t want to say something that is stuck out there forever just yet.)
Whoa, Nelly, I’ve digressed!
Today, I was reminded of something. My cousin on my mother’s (grandmother’s) side called me to take my great-aunt (my grandmother’s sister) to pay some bills. I spent the day with her doing this, including going to another town (BECAUSE WE LIVE IN THAT SMALL OF A TOWN—SCREAMING!!!!) to pay off one of her loans. I have some stories about our trips to another town (SEE PREVIOUS PARENTHETICAL PHRASE!!! SCREAMING!!!!!!) and the things she has said.
After coming back to town to pay her other utilities, she went grocery shopping. I saw a cousin who is related to me through my great-grandmother—my cousin is her sister’s great-grandchild—who made me smile. My great aunt forgot something at the store. In my efforts to retrieve dog food, I saw a cousin on my father’s side (guess what? I don’t know how he’s related to me! It’s somewhere on my maternal father’s side.) and we talked for a while. After dropping off the dog food, I went over my cousin’s house. We talked for a while.
I was driving home when it hit me. I’m as alone as I want to be. I am created from so much and the evolution to me and of my descendents could create a small town.
Egad. A freaking small town.
SCREAMING!!!!!!!
Labels: Feel Goods, My Writing
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Comments for Family--The Ties That May Bind
Heck, Kelly, I'm so secluded that I didn't know that this was a universal truth!
Living in my "S. T." (I don't want to speak it with fears of screaming) has some advantages. I'm pretty interested in talking about some of my experiences here.
Thanks for commenting! Thanks for reading me!
Living in my "S. T." (I don't want to speak it with fears of screaming) has some advantages. I'm pretty interested in talking about some of my experiences here.
Thanks for commenting! Thanks for reading me!
- Posted at Sat Jun 03, 08:05:00 AM | By
Evolution of gina
I think it's a basic human desire to not be alone. We spend so much time trying not to be alone, we forget how perfectly peaceful that time is. We also forget to use logic in many of our dealings with people because of that inate fear of not being able to share ourselves with each other.
Good post, G. Damn, you can babble!
Good post, G. Damn, you can babble!
- Posted at Sat Jun 03, 04:31:00 PM | By
As I get older and crankier (hormones-hormones-hormones I say!) I find that I've begun to cherish my alone time if it comes when I"m in the mood. If I want company and no one calls or visits, I feel like an abandoned child and go into my "poor me" routine. On the flip side, if I want solitude and the phone keeps ringing I'm an annoyed old broad.
Hey, who wants to try to be my friend?
Hey, who wants to try to be my friend?
- Posted at Mon Jun 05, 12:19:00 PM | By jali