The Picture
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Something I haven't seen... a blog that just... well... blogged. Here is one from my private journal.
I was watching television when I was in the middle of a commercial when I glanced over and in an acrylic frame where someone slid a picture of my mother and I felt like I had seen it for the first time She was wearing a dark paisley bloused and she had her hair parted on one side and her hair was almost at her shoulders which is something I don’t ever remember seeing She had her shaded bifocals on and her full jaws appeared to be pressed against the inside of the magnified parts I remember when this picture was done She told me that she was at her class reunion and I think about how she must have felt because I feel the same way now thinking about how successful the other classmates are now in their lives and how I am struggling so much even though I have joy and I find myself laughing a lot at the most ridiculous things I think to myself how much of a failure I am and how much more I thought I would have for myself I see the disgust and the self-hatred in that picture that I often see of myself when I look in the mirror I see it all I see all of the people who looked at me the way my mama looked in that picture the way that so many people looked at me with hopelessness and that I would not matter to them just as she looked in that picture I can see her looking at the person looking through the lens of the camera and see the look that that person is looking at her with pity and sadness because I know that when this picture was taken though it was not visible my mama couldn’t walk and she was sitting in the chair looking at the person looking at her so sad to have seen the life that she was relegated to because the person taking the picture remembered when she was the best dancer and how she dressed so gracefully even though she had to make her own clothes with her aunt who was only 15 days older than her and how she use to be sassy and cool and smart but now she is sitting in a chair unable to look at the person looking at her with pride or joy or anything because now she is stuck in this chair and I know that my mama is sitting in one of those hard metal folding chairs in pain the thing that disturbs me the most is that she is wearing some off colored pink lipstick that is glittery and glossy and I think as I see her lips how painful it must be to put on the only lipstick that she has and realize that it does not even blend in with what she would normally wear so I realize that though I do not wear makeup and I only wear reading glasses occasionally that somehow within this moment I see my mother and I see myself and we both are saddened to see our fate and we are sickened at the person who has pity on their face by looking at us
I was watching television when I was in the middle of a commercial when I glanced over and in an acrylic frame where someone slid a picture of my mother and I felt like I had seen it for the first time She was wearing a dark paisley bloused and she had her hair parted on one side and her hair was almost at her shoulders which is something I don’t ever remember seeing She had her shaded bifocals on and her full jaws appeared to be pressed against the inside of the magnified parts I remember when this picture was done She told me that she was at her class reunion and I think about how she must have felt because I feel the same way now thinking about how successful the other classmates are now in their lives and how I am struggling so much even though I have joy and I find myself laughing a lot at the most ridiculous things I think to myself how much of a failure I am and how much more I thought I would have for myself I see the disgust and the self-hatred in that picture that I often see of myself when I look in the mirror I see it all I see all of the people who looked at me the way my mama looked in that picture the way that so many people looked at me with hopelessness and that I would not matter to them just as she looked in that picture I can see her looking at the person looking through the lens of the camera and see the look that that person is looking at her with pity and sadness because I know that when this picture was taken though it was not visible my mama couldn’t walk and she was sitting in the chair looking at the person looking at her so sad to have seen the life that she was relegated to because the person taking the picture remembered when she was the best dancer and how she dressed so gracefully even though she had to make her own clothes with her aunt who was only 15 days older than her and how she use to be sassy and cool and smart but now she is sitting in a chair unable to look at the person looking at her with pride or joy or anything because now she is stuck in this chair and I know that my mama is sitting in one of those hard metal folding chairs in pain the thing that disturbs me the most is that she is wearing some off colored pink lipstick that is glittery and glossy and I think as I see her lips how painful it must be to put on the only lipstick that she has and realize that it does not even blend in with what she would normally wear so I realize that though I do not wear makeup and I only wear reading glasses occasionally that somehow within this moment I see my mother and I see myself and we both are saddened to see our fate and we are sickened at the person who has pity on their face by looking at us
Labels: My Writing, Poetry, Thoughts
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Comments for The Picture
Gina-Gina-Gina,
Joy! Excitement! I found you through your comment to SKP. I found him through a comment he made oon The Fifth Column's blog.
I live in ATL now - not too far from Miss.
Your writing is still as wonderful as I remember.
Jali<----raising fist and shouting, "Original Man - Original Man)
Joy! Excitement! I found you through your comment to SKP. I found him through a comment he made oon The Fifth Column's blog.
I live in ATL now - not too far from Miss.
Your writing is still as wonderful as I remember.
Jali<----raising fist and shouting, "Original Man - Original Man)
- Posted at Fri Jun 02, 10:00:00 AM | By
jali
Jali, gurl, what chu doin down in da durty souf? LOL What an elated feeling I had when I saw this. I can't wait for you to see my response to one of your blogs.
I do want to say that I am personally glad you are free (you know what I mean). Gurl, you gotta holla back!
I do want to say that I am personally glad you are free (you know what I mean). Gurl, you gotta holla back!
- Posted at Sat Jun 03, 08:14:00 AM | By Evolution of gina
Sucka, it was a stream. Actually, this was an assignment. I get these a lot. I'll have to do this more often. I don't recall ever seeing anyone blog like this.
I promise that I will not make it a habit, but you will definitely see more of these.
I promise that I will not make it a habit, but you will definitely see more of these.
- Posted at Sat Jun 03, 08:20:00 AM | By Evolution of gina
Kelly, you've seen my posts, and have known exactly what to say to help me get a different perspective.
In fact, as we speak, I am in a dilema with someone close to me. I wish I could figure out how to solve this problem. Your words are helping me. Thanks again for your input. It's been revealing and insightful.
In fact, as we speak, I am in a dilema with someone close to me. I wish I could figure out how to solve this problem. Your words are helping me. Thanks again for your input. It's been revealing and insightful.
- Posted at Sat Jun 03, 08:28:00 AM | By Evolution of gina