Thrown-Away Fan Mail
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
"Show me a guy who's afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can beat."
----
Lou Brock
Ever wonder what happened to fan mail that did not complimenting the stars? Well, from the vaults of the garbage cans of fan mail...
Dea Mista Ty-lerrr Perrrray:
Dis hea’s Miss Bertha Joe Mommasuggly. Naw boy, you don knoa me, but Ah’s a mother of the church you came by whin you all had that play in taown, The South Side West Side Upside Your Head Missionary Apostolic Baptist Methodist Forgetdist Church of God In Christ Almighty Amen?
I jus wonted tah say that I shore enjoyed the way you spoke to our young folk in da church. We really need tah come togedah to brang our chilren out of da skreets an intah da church.
But, Ty-lerrr, babydawl, we really need ta talk! Nah you can have that big ole house afta awla dat time bein homeless an awl. You all can even say that you are lookin fo da woman of yo dreams. But, baybe, either you are wut the young folk call “met-tro-secs-uu-ul” or you all got some shugah in yo tank.
Naw, we let Luffa slide becaws he was a manlay man. Even wid dem derr rhinestones all ova his suits n drankin Kool-Aid outta dem fancy glasses (I heard dat on “Oprerr”), his voyce made all of us so… well, you knoa, baybee… Lemme jus say dat us gurls wus afraid we’d slip and fall, derr was so much… well, you knoa! An don git me wron, you all are nice looking for a man.
But, baybee, you shole knoa how ta wear dem derr Madea dresses.
Now you all jus come on outta da closet. Set choself free!
Yours truly,
Mother Bertha Jo Mommasuggly
Head Usha
President of the Missionary Boad
South Side West Side Upside Your Head Missionary Apostolic Baptist Methodist Forgetdist Church of God in Christ Almighty Amen
----
Lou Brock
Ever wonder what happened to fan mail that did not complimenting the stars? Well, from the vaults of the garbage cans of fan mail...
Dea Mista Ty-lerrr Perrrray:
Dis hea’s Miss Bertha Joe Mommasuggly. Naw boy, you don knoa me, but Ah’s a mother of the church you came by whin you all had that play in taown, The South Side West Side Upside Your Head Missionary Apostolic Baptist Methodist Forgetdist Church of God In Christ Almighty Amen?
I jus wonted tah say that I shore enjoyed the way you spoke to our young folk in da church. We really need tah come togedah to brang our chilren out of da skreets an intah da church.
But, Ty-lerrr, babydawl, we really need ta talk! Nah you can have that big ole house afta awla dat time bein homeless an awl. You all can even say that you are lookin fo da woman of yo dreams. But, baybe, either you are wut the young folk call “met-tro-secs-uu-ul” or you all got some shugah in yo tank.
Naw, we let Luffa slide becaws he was a manlay man. Even wid dem derr rhinestones all ova his suits n drankin Kool-Aid outta dem fancy glasses (I heard dat on “Oprerr”), his voyce made all of us so… well, you knoa, baybee… Lemme jus say dat us gurls wus afraid we’d slip and fall, derr was so much… well, you knoa! An don git me wron, you all are nice looking for a man.
But, baybee, you shole knoa how ta wear dem derr Madea dresses.
Now you all jus come on outta da closet. Set choself free!
Yours truly,
Mother Bertha Jo Mommasuggly
Head Usha
President of the Missionary Boad
South Side West Side Upside Your Head Missionary Apostolic Baptist Methodist Forgetdist Church of God in Christ Almighty Amen
Labels: My Writing
[ back home ]
Comments for Thrown-Away Fan Mail
Issues... you have them. They run deep.
- Posted at Wed Jun 07, 12:03:00 PM | By
I'm about to cry, that's so funny.
- Posted at Wed Jun 07, 05:37:00 PM | By
Evolution of gina
Funny, Gee!
- Posted at Thu Jun 08, 09:13:00 AM | By jali
I laughed and laughed and laughed, and want so badly to go to church with Miss Bertha Jo Mommasuggly. Does she go by Miss Mommasuggly, or just Miss Gertha?
She and her congregation obviously have the real stuff.
She and her congregation obviously have the real stuff.
- Posted at Thu Jun 08, 11:30:00 PM | By
Nah dis hea's MUTHERRRR Bertha Jo Mammasuggly. Nah Ah's don knoa whea you all are from, but in mah church, folk knoa haw to respeck dey elders! Don be tryin to be all sassy!
Ah tries to be hip wid all da young folk, so Ah only use "Bertha" formally. Da church usually calls me Mutherrr Jo Mammasuggly.
Ah still don understans why dey put a pause afta the title. Ah thinks the young folk wanna show me respeck. Dem babies shole are sweet...
Ah tries to be hip wid all da young folk, so Ah only use "Bertha" formally. Da church usually calls me Mutherrr Jo Mammasuggly.
Ah still don understans why dey put a pause afta the title. Ah thinks the young folk wanna show me respeck. Dem babies shole are sweet...
- Posted at Fri Jun 09, 07:00:00 AM | By Evolution of gina