Stream of Consciousness
Friday, July 07, 2006
"A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world: everyone you meet is your mirror."
- Ken Keyes, Jr.
Another thought that crossed my mind... try to read it; you will not be disappointed, so I'm told.
Everyone can see a perfectly healthy woman on a summer day standing before the building but nobody can see what I saw inside myself where I the grown woman was walking leisurely the little girl inside me was screaming and begging no no no please no I don’t wanna go I don’t like it in here this is where my mommy fell asleep and she never woke up why would you force me to go inside this place where people don’t wake up I don’t understand I hear her wailing and my eyes well with tears knowing that I wanted to do what others could not see the little girl doing she was screaming and falling out at the threshold begging not to go inside I do not want to go to sleep and never wake up I do not want to see that happening to anyone else anymore ever ever again and you can’t make me go in there I don’t want to go please please I hear her pleading and screaming as if her life surely depended on it and I know her life and my life depended on walking through this door that I stand before I slow my breath and lasso my pounding heart to calm myself yet the little girl that nobody sees but me balls up in the middle of the floor like a frightened animal then kicks and screams as she wails I don’t want to go and you can not make me I know what’s in there and I don’t wanna go I don’t wanna go nowannago nowannago nonononononono her screaming pierces my ears and in my mind I press my hands against my ears to muffle the screams I then close my eyes as I stand there fighting with myself fighting with the little girl in me we have got to do this Tweety we have got to there is no turning back I can’t sit here with you and coddle you now listen to me little girl we have got to go now please baby just calm yourself down and pick yourself up you will not have to go to sleep baby I promise nobody is going to do what happened to your mommy I promise you if you can just please shhhhh I hug the little girl and I cry with her I can’t help it because that little girl is doing what I want to do except I cannot because I am that perfectly healthy womanon a summer day that everyone else can see and not the little girl that I can see inside me the perfectly healthy woman on a summer day that everyone else sees wraps her arms around herself as everyone else sees but as we walk inside the hospital I see the little girl I am holding in my arms she is exhausted and whispers in a hoarse raspy whimper nowanna nowanna nowanna go
- Ken Keyes, Jr.
Another thought that crossed my mind... try to read it; you will not be disappointed, so I'm told.
Everyone can see a perfectly healthy woman on a summer day standing before the building but nobody can see what I saw inside myself where I the grown woman was walking leisurely the little girl inside me was screaming and begging no no no please no I don’t wanna go I don’t like it in here this is where my mommy fell asleep and she never woke up why would you force me to go inside this place where people don’t wake up I don’t understand I hear her wailing and my eyes well with tears knowing that I wanted to do what others could not see the little girl doing she was screaming and falling out at the threshold begging not to go inside I do not want to go to sleep and never wake up I do not want to see that happening to anyone else anymore ever ever again and you can’t make me go in there I don’t want to go please please I hear her pleading and screaming as if her life surely depended on it and I know her life and my life depended on walking through this door that I stand before I slow my breath and lasso my pounding heart to calm myself yet the little girl that nobody sees but me balls up in the middle of the floor like a frightened animal then kicks and screams as she wails I don’t want to go and you can not make me I know what’s in there and I don’t wanna go I don’t wanna go nowannago nowannago nonononononono her screaming pierces my ears and in my mind I press my hands against my ears to muffle the screams I then close my eyes as I stand there fighting with myself fighting with the little girl in me we have got to do this Tweety we have got to there is no turning back I can’t sit here with you and coddle you now listen to me little girl we have got to go now please baby just calm yourself down and pick yourself up you will not have to go to sleep baby I promise nobody is going to do what happened to your mommy I promise you if you can just please shhhhh I hug the little girl and I cry with her I can’t help it because that little girl is doing what I want to do except I cannot because I am that perfectly healthy womanon a summer day that everyone else can see and not the little girl that I can see inside me the perfectly healthy woman on a summer day that everyone else sees wraps her arms around herself as everyone else sees but as we walk inside the hospital I see the little girl I am holding in my arms she is exhausted and whispers in a hoarse raspy whimper nowanna nowanna nowanna go
Labels: My Writing, Poetry
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