Here's Your Sign
Thursday, June 07, 2007
"The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything."- Walter Bagehot
So this morning was a comedy of errors. I woke up this morning at 4:19 after going to sleep at around 1:45. Because of the amount of cereal (and milk, might I add) I had a few hours previous to my eyes opening, I felt an urge to get some stuff out of my system. I did, returned to my bed, and considered staying awake. I didn't. I got out of bed rather late for the things I had to accomplish--work out and be at class by 8 am. My game plan was to pop out of bed (yes, pop.), put my books in my bag, grab the clothes that I intended to wear today, go to the workout place, work out, shower, dress, and smile with glee as my head bleeds internally from trying to understand what my Spanish teacher is trying to get into my thick skull.
I'm giving myself a sign for just waking up. I knew better than to wait so long.
My plan slowly seeps into impossibility when I realized I had to do 45 minutes of working out and it was 7:05. I had a second realization: I left the room without getting a tshirt.
And here's another sign just for you, Gina.
I go to the place where I was supposed to check out, walk by as I get a card scanned that is on my keychain, and work out. I monitor my time from how much time I have to be on the bike to real time. There is a fifteen-minute window where I am supposed to take a shower, dress, and drive to my class. Not going to happen. I decide I will just take an afternoon shower when I get to my room later today. I reach for my keys. They are not in my purse. They are not in the bag that I had my clothes in. They are not in my pockets. I call the person that is still downstairs where my keys may be: "I'll check.... Nope. I don't see any spare keys." I peer into my purse and rustle the items back and forth to find my keys. I check one pocket. I check the other pocket. I check my clothes bag. Not. There. I pat down my pockets. Not. There. I go outside to the security guard to see if he can get my car unlocked. "I can find someone who can unlock it for you."
Here's your sign, Mr. Security Man. It's because you look like you are related to Dopey. In fact, take mine.
I go inside to ask a customer assistance person about my keys. "Did anyone bring any keys up here?"
"Nope. Did you lose yours?"
No, sir. I didn't lose my keys. I donated them to the scavenger hunt the workout club was having and wanted to know if the winner has found them yet.
Here's your sign. I'm going to relieve you with my other sign. I am "Warning: I'm Stupid." sign-free!
I emptied out the main section of my purse. I emptied out the clothes bag. I walked to and fro at every place I could have dropped them including my car (even though I had them with me when I walked in--remember that I checked in with them.) more than a couple of times. I dig into the internal pockets of my purse. Not. There. That's when I glanced down and saw a black cord peeking out like a stupid baby kangaroo's head.
Yup. I am no longer signless.
The outside security guard comes inside and we get each other's eye contact. He motions me to come outside. I motioned to him that I was okay (I gave a huge thumbs up), and he curls his finger to himself to get me outside. I thumbs up him again to no avail. I finally recall that I do have my keyes and that perhaps I should shake them as a hint that I have found my keys.
"Oh, so you found your keys?"
Nope, Mr. Security Man, I didn't find my keys. I'm shaking my shakra at you. Dad gum it, I statrted to give him another sign. Oh well, here you go.
I got to Spanish class around 8:30. Dad gum it.
So this morning was a comedy of errors. I woke up this morning at 4:19 after going to sleep at around 1:45. Because of the amount of cereal (and milk, might I add) I had a few hours previous to my eyes opening, I felt an urge to get some stuff out of my system. I did, returned to my bed, and considered staying awake. I didn't. I got out of bed rather late for the things I had to accomplish--work out and be at class by 8 am. My game plan was to pop out of bed (yes, pop.), put my books in my bag, grab the clothes that I intended to wear today, go to the workout place, work out, shower, dress, and smile with glee as my head bleeds internally from trying to understand what my Spanish teacher is trying to get into my thick skull.
I'm giving myself a sign for just waking up. I knew better than to wait so long.
My plan slowly seeps into impossibility when I realized I had to do 45 minutes of working out and it was 7:05. I had a second realization: I left the room without getting a tshirt.
And here's another sign just for you, Gina.
I go to the place where I was supposed to check out, walk by as I get a card scanned that is on my keychain, and work out. I monitor my time from how much time I have to be on the bike to real time. There is a fifteen-minute window where I am supposed to take a shower, dress, and drive to my class. Not going to happen. I decide I will just take an afternoon shower when I get to my room later today. I reach for my keys. They are not in my purse. They are not in the bag that I had my clothes in. They are not in my pockets. I call the person that is still downstairs where my keys may be: "I'll check.... Nope. I don't see any spare keys." I peer into my purse and rustle the items back and forth to find my keys. I check one pocket. I check the other pocket. I check my clothes bag. Not. There. I pat down my pockets. Not. There. I go outside to the security guard to see if he can get my car unlocked. "I can find someone who can unlock it for you."
Here's your sign, Mr. Security Man. It's because you look like you are related to Dopey. In fact, take mine.
I go inside to ask a customer assistance person about my keys. "Did anyone bring any keys up here?"
"Nope. Did you lose yours?"
No, sir. I didn't lose my keys. I donated them to the scavenger hunt the workout club was having and wanted to know if the winner has found them yet.
Here's your sign. I'm going to relieve you with my other sign. I am "Warning: I'm Stupid." sign-free!
I emptied out the main section of my purse. I emptied out the clothes bag. I walked to and fro at every place I could have dropped them including my car (even though I had them with me when I walked in--remember that I checked in with them.) more than a couple of times. I dig into the internal pockets of my purse. Not. There. That's when I glanced down and saw a black cord peeking out like a stupid baby kangaroo's head.
Yup. I am no longer signless.
The outside security guard comes inside and we get each other's eye contact. He motions me to come outside. I motioned to him that I was okay (I gave a huge thumbs up), and he curls his finger to himself to get me outside. I thumbs up him again to no avail. I finally recall that I do have my keyes and that perhaps I should shake them as a hint that I have found my keys.
"Oh, so you found your keys?"
Nope, Mr. Security Man, I didn't find my keys. I'm shaking my shakra at you. Dad gum it, I statrted to give him another sign. Oh well, here you go.
I got to Spanish class around 8:30. Dad gum it.
Labels: Humor, It Really Happened
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Comments for Here's Your Sign
I LOVE the I started to give him another sign.
I'm not sure why the world seems to be full of idiots some times...this statement is for the folks stating the obivious.
As for "miss-placing" your keys...oh my gosh that happens to me all the time. I once went to check our mail and forgot to take the key out of my coat pocket...for like 3 months!
And once we had gone shopping and DD asked me to hold her small dolls for her. I put them in my pocket. It just happened that was the last time that season that I wore that coat. The next fall after giving up these dolls for long gone we were at the store and I put my hands in my pockets and found the dolls that had been missing for 5 months!
On a shorter scale, I "lose" my sunglasses all the time.
I'm not sure why the world seems to be full of idiots some times...this statement is for the folks stating the obivious.
As for "miss-placing" your keys...oh my gosh that happens to me all the time. I once went to check our mail and forgot to take the key out of my coat pocket...for like 3 months!
And once we had gone shopping and DD asked me to hold her small dolls for her. I put them in my pocket. It just happened that was the last time that season that I wore that coat. The next fall after giving up these dolls for long gone we were at the store and I put my hands in my pockets and found the dolls that had been missing for 5 months!
On a shorter scale, I "lose" my sunglasses all the time.
- Posted at Thu Jun 07, 02:04:00 PM | By
Renee Nefe