Have You Heard about This?
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
"Poetry is an orphan of silence. The words never quite equal the experience behind them." - Charles Simic
I patented that. Okay, okay. I copyrighted it. I'm just saying that you better quote me when you tell someone else!
(And that might have been the shortest post I have on my blog, so you better show me some love! You know how much I can talk!)
Edward to Drop Out of Race
I am utterly stunned about this, though I guess I cannot be surprised. The superstars are getting the money, and realistically, who can outdo Oprah? What is the lesson that we've learned today, boys and girls? It might be who you know more than what you know because who you know knows what you know.I patented that. Okay, okay. I copyrighted it. I'm just saying that you better quote me when you tell someone else!
(And that might have been the shortest post I have on my blog, so you better show me some love! You know how much I can talk!)
Labels: Humor, It Really Happened, Thoughts
Update on My Birthday
Monday, January 28, 2008
"In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." - Theodore Roosevelt
So, I was sitting around moping, and the girl who asked me to do all of that work came and asked me if i wanted to go to WalMart. Oh yeah. That is the perfect place to go to end my birthday. I decided to turn my frown upside down. I was going to take my camera to make an event of my going to WalMart for my birthday.
We go to our friend's car and an old friend walks by. He gives me a birthday hug and tells me that he's going to a club with another friend of ours. At that moment, I was torn. I knew the girlfriend wanted to boost my spirits, but I think the guy friend stood there for a moment as a subtle invitation...come on, Gina, it'll be fun. On top of that, you don't have to look at the blue-vested people and try to feel some modicum of joy...
I looked back and forth between him and the car. I made my move. I looked at the girlfriends in the car and said, "I'm going with him." Now there's more to the story, but I have to do some work before class. Safe to say that I had fun, though!
So, I was sitting around moping, and the girl who asked me to do all of that work came and asked me if i wanted to go to WalMart. Oh yeah. That is the perfect place to go to end my birthday. I decided to turn my frown upside down. I was going to take my camera to make an event of my going to WalMart for my birthday.
We go to our friend's car and an old friend walks by. He gives me a birthday hug and tells me that he's going to a club with another friend of ours. At that moment, I was torn. I knew the girlfriend wanted to boost my spirits, but I think the guy friend stood there for a moment as a subtle invitation...come on, Gina, it'll be fun. On top of that, you don't have to look at the blue-vested people and try to feel some modicum of joy...
I looked back and forth between him and the car. I made my move. I looked at the girlfriends in the car and said, "I'm going with him." Now there's more to the story, but I have to do some work before class. Safe to say that I had fun, though!
Labels: Humor, It Really Happened
Back to School Again
Monday, January 14, 2008
"Every problem has a gift for you in its hands." - Richard Bach
Well, I am back at school. I'm tired already. How did that happen? And I want to go to sleep right now, but if I do that, then I will be so far behind in my work that it'll make me want to cry.
I was in a car accident. Stupid idiot ran into me when he just backed up into my car. I'm so freaking passive. When he said that he had no insurance, I felt the minuscule dent and scratch that is on there was so irrelevant, I let him go. Then I got stiff as heck. I bought some Percogesic and Tylenol. When I got home, I drugged myself, and it felt so good, that I've been taking two of them every night since. Too bad that I took two last night at one in the morning.
I set my clock at six. I got out of bed at six. I turned off the alarm at six. I got back to bed at six. I got back up. And I thought I could do it, but I ended up crashing in my last class between 2:45 and 4.
I gotta tell you what happened to me when I woke up and started to unpack my car.
Well, I am back at school. I'm tired already. How did that happen? And I want to go to sleep right now, but if I do that, then I will be so far behind in my work that it'll make me want to cry.
I was in a car accident. Stupid idiot ran into me when he just backed up into my car. I'm so freaking passive. When he said that he had no insurance, I felt the minuscule dent and scratch that is on there was so irrelevant, I let him go. Then I got stiff as heck. I bought some Percogesic and Tylenol. When I got home, I drugged myself, and it felt so good, that I've been taking two of them every night since. Too bad that I took two last night at one in the morning.
I set my clock at six. I got out of bed at six. I turned off the alarm at six. I got back to bed at six. I got back up. And I thought I could do it, but I ended up crashing in my last class between 2:45 and 4.
I gotta tell you what happened to me when I woke up and started to unpack my car.
Labels: Humor, It Really Happened
Well, I Wanted to Write Something
Friday, January 04, 2008
"The stoical scheme of supplying our wants by lopping off our desires, is like cutting off our feet when we want shoes."- Jonathan Swift
I thought I wanted to write a "Much - Not So Much" post, but I found this quote and got inspired.
I do this sometimes, try to pay off bills and neglecting things I really want. Heck, I can't remember the last time I bought some clothing that I could wear to church. I won't even tell you how many pairs of shoes I have. Let's put it this way: I am the one person whose shoe collection you can browse in 17 seconds. Probably less.
Oh, wait! I knew it was something I wanted to tell you--all five of you. (I bet you thought I didn't include myself in those five people, huh. Well, I have to type it, so I have to read it. Hee hee!) I got a boost of confidence New Year's Eve! My male cousin told me at the gathering his girlfriend had at her house that I still "got it, and you know you got it. Look at these men trying to get your attention!"
I shook my head. I'll have to put up a pic with what I did on Christmas break. Yup, after three weeks of stressing and barely putting my own fingers much less a comb through my hair, I combed it and then some. I look gorgeous.
Not that I'm saying that, mind you.
I swear, that's what I've been told! "Gina, dahlingk, you look absolutely gorgeous!" Hopefully, I will successfully drive someone crazy with--woops, almost forgot, this is a family blog. I can't say anymore than that (but you know what I mean).
I took a picture of myself on my phone (I got it cheap and probably won't buy another one until this one falls apart or when I get a job). I looked at it, and darn it! I have to agree with these people! Dare I say I was surprised! I'm strikingly adorable!
I'm getting long-winded. I haven't forgot about the thing that I'm going to start doing on here. Keep looking for it, I'll start next week.
I thought I wanted to write a "Much - Not So Much" post, but I found this quote and got inspired.
I do this sometimes, try to pay off bills and neglecting things I really want. Heck, I can't remember the last time I bought some clothing that I could wear to church. I won't even tell you how many pairs of shoes I have. Let's put it this way: I am the one person whose shoe collection you can browse in 17 seconds. Probably less.
Oh, wait! I knew it was something I wanted to tell you--all five of you. (I bet you thought I didn't include myself in those five people, huh. Well, I have to type it, so I have to read it. Hee hee!) I got a boost of confidence New Year's Eve! My male cousin told me at the gathering his girlfriend had at her house that I still "got it, and you know you got it. Look at these men trying to get your attention!"
I shook my head. I'll have to put up a pic with what I did on Christmas break. Yup, after three weeks of stressing and barely putting my own fingers much less a comb through my hair, I combed it and then some. I look gorgeous.
Not that I'm saying that, mind you.
I swear, that's what I've been told! "Gina, dahlingk, you look absolutely gorgeous!" Hopefully, I will successfully drive someone crazy with--woops, almost forgot, this is a family blog. I can't say anymore than that (but you know what I mean).
I took a picture of myself on my phone (I got it cheap and probably won't buy another one until this one falls apart or when I get a job). I looked at it, and darn it! I have to agree with these people! Dare I say I was surprised! I'm strikingly adorable!
I'm getting long-winded. I haven't forgot about the thing that I'm going to start doing on here. Keep looking for it, I'll start next week.
Labels: Feel Goods, Humor, It Really Happened, Thoughts
This Is Not A Threat. I Swear!
Monday, December 10, 2007
"It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar."- Jerome K. Jerome
Well, after what seemed like a thousand years with no ISP service (the sons of nasty dogs went bankrupt "out of the blue") and another two thousand years with very slow service, my college is up and running. Not soon enough since it is our freaking exam week.
Well, after what seemed like a thousand years with no ISP service (the sons of nasty dogs went bankrupt "out of the blue") and another two thousand years with very slow service, my college is up and running. Not soon enough since it is our freaking exam week.
SCREAMING!
So, of course, this note is obviously short. Can I just say that my Creative Writing class has no sense of humor? See if you get the gist of this poem. Then I'm leaving. Senior Seminar final in the morning and I don't know what I'm going to write!
SCREAMING!
SCREAMING!
SCREAMING!
Okay, here's the poem:
Scheduled
Smile you will
or frown someday
when you don’t glance
at the clock after
you hear the quiet slam
of the door against jamb
to know who came home.
Smile you will
or sigh perhaps
when you walk
to the dining room not
because she told you, but
because you hear
the oven door close
smell melted butter
on baked yeast or meal
in her cast iron skillet.
Someday you glance,
hear who will sigh,
perhaps you
hear the door
and smell her
while you discover there are
three definitions of “funk” on page 723.
The answer to the next question is
“page 719.”
Smile you will
or frown someday
when you don’t glance
at the clock after
you hear the quiet slam
of the door against jamb
to know who came home.
Smile you will
or sigh perhaps
when you walk
to the dining room not
because she told you, but
because you hear
the oven door close
smell melted butter
on baked yeast or meal
in her cast iron skillet.
Someday you glance,
hear who will sigh,
perhaps you
hear the door
and smell her
while you discover there are
three definitions of “funk” on page 723.
The answer to the next question is
“page 719.”
Labels: Humor, It Really Happened, Poetry, Screaming
We Had to Wake Me up
Saturday, September 22, 2007
"A psychiatrist is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself." - Fred Allen
So I was in the middle of sleeping the morning away when I was having a conversation with myself.
"You have to get up."
"But I don't want to. My eyes don't want to stay open."
"You will get over it. Now get up."
"I'm not going to be able to read if I can't keep my eyes open. You want me to study, but I want to make sure I get all of the sleepiness out of my body." I rolled over.
"Look here. If you don't get up, this wonderful feeling of being in bed until you completely awaken is going to drain you. Then you are going to whine about how much time you lost while sleeping. Now. Get. Your. @$$. Up. NOW!"
"Okay. I gotta pee, anyway."
I just needed to share. The quote that came up gave me permission to do it.
HA!
So I was in the middle of sleeping the morning away when I was having a conversation with myself.
"You have to get up."
"But I don't want to. My eyes don't want to stay open."
"You will get over it. Now get up."
"I'm not going to be able to read if I can't keep my eyes open. You want me to study, but I want to make sure I get all of the sleepiness out of my body." I rolled over.
"Look here. If you don't get up, this wonderful feeling of being in bed until you completely awaken is going to drain you. Then you are going to whine about how much time you lost while sleeping. Now. Get. Your. @$$. Up. NOW!"
"Okay. I gotta pee, anyway."
I just needed to share. The quote that came up gave me permission to do it.
HA!
Labels: Humor, It Really Happened
Neato!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
"I wish they would only take me as I am." - Vincent Van Gogh
I just got cool points! Three of them! With a sports commentary! Neato!
It was worth mentioning.
I just got cool points! Three of them! With a sports commentary! Neato!
It was worth mentioning.
Labels: Humor, It Really Happened
Somebody Hold Me Back
Friday, August 10, 2007
"As in political, so in literary action a man wins friends for himself mostly by the passion of his prejudices and the consistent narrowness of his outlook." - Joseph Conrad
Ugh! People can be so rude! SCREAMING!
I went to a Japanese restaurant that had two sides--and two entrances. Mind you, it was the first time I had ever been there. I opened they door and two servers nearly pounced on me.
Listen, I'm Black. I'm accustomed to certain looks--like the one they gave me as if I either did not know how to eat Japanese food or I'm about to be rude and classless. I can even say that I might have asked for it. I was wearing some jeans, a "Big Dog' t-shirt, and my dreaded-looking hair can set some people aback. But they did not have to look at me as if I was going to fulfill their stereotypical expectations.
Anyway, I asked for a to-go menu so I can see what I wanted. I left, got my purse out of my trunk, and went back inside. I wanted to read and have some green tea, maybe order some sushi. One of the servers asked if I wanted hibachi or sushi. I told them sushi and he pointed to the entrance for the other side of the restaurant.
I wasn't going to tell him that this was my first time in that restaurant or that I didn't know there was a second entrance since I parked to where my vantage point only saw one entrance or that I did not understand him when they pointed in that direction the first time, because I'm considerate of people speaking second languages with their heavy accents, I swear I am. I've been trying to speak decent Spanish, but it's just not working. I digress. Again.
One step after I began to walk in the entrance's direction, one of the servers laughed. I continued to walk away. I knew he was laughing at me and not in a kind way, either. I let that slide.
Upon leaving. I went through the same doorway, and the same two male servers were there. One of them gave that head-nudging in my direction as he made a sound. I slowed down my walk so I could stare at that one guy so he would not forget my face and vice versa. I heard, "have a good evening," from the other guy. At a glance I saw a nasty smirk on his face. I stabbed a "truck you" (remember, this is a family blog) look at him, returned a salutation and left. I wanted to do something. Anything. As I was returning to campus, I thought about revenge. Lord, help me I thought and thought. It'll probably be my next Ten Things This Tuesday.
Ugh! People can be so rude! SCREAMING!
I went to a Japanese restaurant that had two sides--and two entrances. Mind you, it was the first time I had ever been there. I opened they door and two servers nearly pounced on me.
Listen, I'm Black. I'm accustomed to certain looks--like the one they gave me as if I either did not know how to eat Japanese food or I'm about to be rude and classless. I can even say that I might have asked for it. I was wearing some jeans, a "Big Dog' t-shirt, and my dreaded-looking hair can set some people aback. But they did not have to look at me as if I was going to fulfill their stereotypical expectations.
Anyway, I asked for a to-go menu so I can see what I wanted. I left, got my purse out of my trunk, and went back inside. I wanted to read and have some green tea, maybe order some sushi. One of the servers asked if I wanted hibachi or sushi. I told them sushi and he pointed to the entrance for the other side of the restaurant.
I wasn't going to tell him that this was my first time in that restaurant or that I didn't know there was a second entrance since I parked to where my vantage point only saw one entrance or that I did not understand him when they pointed in that direction the first time, because I'm considerate of people speaking second languages with their heavy accents, I swear I am. I've been trying to speak decent Spanish, but it's just not working. I digress. Again.
One step after I began to walk in the entrance's direction, one of the servers laughed. I continued to walk away. I knew he was laughing at me and not in a kind way, either. I let that slide.
Upon leaving. I went through the same doorway, and the same two male servers were there. One of them gave that head-nudging in my direction as he made a sound. I slowed down my walk so I could stare at that one guy so he would not forget my face and vice versa. I heard, "have a good evening," from the other guy. At a glance I saw a nasty smirk on his face. I stabbed a "truck you" (remember, this is a family blog) look at him, returned a salutation and left. I wanted to do something. Anything. As I was returning to campus, I thought about revenge. Lord, help me I thought and thought. It'll probably be my next Ten Things This Tuesday.
Labels: Humor, It Really Happened, Screaming, The Negatives
Can I Just Say ...
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
"A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams." - John Barrymore
... that I won an argument against my embodiment of a personal hemorrhoid, SunKingpoet. I had to write this down. I am right! I am right! Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!
... that I won an argument against my embodiment of a personal hemorrhoid, SunKingpoet. I had to write this down. I am right! I am right! Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!
Labels: Feel Goods, Humor, It Really Happened
I Don't Want to Eat Anymore ...
Monday, July 16, 2007
"Stubborn and ardent clinging to one's opinion is the best proof of stupidity." - Michel de Montaigne
Yup. I can't stand food anymore. I hate the stuff. It costs money, and I'm such a codependent when it comes to food. The chewing thing is redundant. I mean bite, chew, chew, chew, swallow, chew, chew, chew, swallow, repeat, blah blah blah, yada yada yada. I'm so bored with eating. I wish there was another hole I could use to digest food. Hey! Wouldn't that be neato! Like if I could open up my belly button and chomp chomp! all gone!
Well, time for my midnight snackypoo! Yawn.
Yup. I can't stand food anymore. I hate the stuff. It costs money, and I'm such a codependent when it comes to food. The chewing thing is redundant. I mean bite, chew, chew, chew, swallow, chew, chew, chew, swallow, repeat, blah blah blah, yada yada yada. I'm so bored with eating. I wish there was another hole I could use to digest food. Hey! Wouldn't that be neato! Like if I could open up my belly button and chomp chomp! all gone!
Well, time for my midnight snackypoo! Yawn.
Just a Minute
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
"Every man ought to be inquisitive through every hour of his great adventure down to the day when he shall no longer cast a shadow in the sun. For if he dies without a question in his heart, what excuse is there for his continuance." - Frank Moore Colby
I have enough time to think about posting something here. I didn't even realized that I had made it to over 300 posts! This one will be 304!
Last night in my Shakespeare class, the professor asked what was the difference in the interaction between Petruchio and Kate and Petruchio and Grumio. I told him, "boobs."
My minute's up. I've got some work to do. I may whine a little later today.
I have enough time to think about posting something here. I didn't even realized that I had made it to over 300 posts! This one will be 304!
Last night in my Shakespeare class, the professor asked what was the difference in the interaction between Petruchio and Kate and Petruchio and Grumio. I told him, "boobs."
My minute's up. I've got some work to do. I may whine a little later today.
Labels: Humor, It Really Happened, Thoughts
It's Short Enough to Read, So Read It!
Sunday, June 24, 2007
"Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them." - Anne Landers
Okay. For those who don't want to read any of my long-winded blogs, this is for you.
I slept like a cat this morning. An ant bit me and swelled my hand. I should have taken a picture. It's gone down now, but I had to take five or six benadryl pills, and that made me sleep like a cat. I didn't go exercise today, but I got a lot of Spanish writing done. I'm writing down all of my Spanish rules in one place. I'll be working on my Spanish homework tomorrow.
I still love the language, but I don't see myself minoring in it unless I live abroad first.
My aunt said if I go to the family reunion in Akron, she has got a place for me to stay. If I don't get this scholarship, I will have to scrape up $1400 for school next year. Going there seems like a waste of money. Should I go?
184 words, including this. Is that short enough?
Okay. For those who don't want to read any of my long-winded blogs, this is for you.
I slept like a cat this morning. An ant bit me and swelled my hand. I should have taken a picture. It's gone down now, but I had to take five or six benadryl pills, and that made me sleep like a cat. I didn't go exercise today, but I got a lot of Spanish writing done. I'm writing down all of my Spanish rules in one place. I'll be working on my Spanish homework tomorrow.
I still love the language, but I don't see myself minoring in it unless I live abroad first.
My aunt said if I go to the family reunion in Akron, she has got a place for me to stay. If I don't get this scholarship, I will have to scrape up $1400 for school next year. Going there seems like a waste of money. Should I go?
184 words, including this. Is that short enough?
Labels: Calls for Response, Humor, It Really Happened, Thoughts
Can't We All Just Pee Along?
"I took a lie detector test the other day. No I didn't." - Steven Wright
I'm a woman. A woman that happens to use public restrooms when necessary. Like tonight. I was at a popular restaurant for several hours. I have this thing where I will go to a place to study because I tend to not do it in my room. I was going to a Japanese place, but it was closed, so I went to the Waffle House. I hate going to this particular Waffle House during the time of day I was going because the people there have no sense of cleanliness. I had a feeling that I was going to actually want something to eat, and I did not want that heffa fixing my food, so I drove around and ended up at this kind of restaurant that serves good versions of basic American food--burgers, steaks, catfish ... stuff like that.
I felt like I could get some coffee in a coffee cup since they have busboys that clean the dishes (as opposed to the servers having to serve and wash dishes like at the Waffle House). After several cups of coffee (and yes, I'm finally getting to the point, but come on ... you know me, I wander sometimes) I needed to go pee. I found the ladies' room which had four stalls. I went into one and, heavens to mergatroid and thank the bathroom gods (because I really had to pee), the toilet seat was not peed on and there was an ample amount of toilet tissue for my back forty and other place (no need for too many details--it is [supposedly] a family blog). I did my business (okay, you don't really want to know how I pee, and if you do, then you need to stop reading my blog, you big freak! Okay, not you Dutch Bitch, but anyone else that is entertaining the thought [okay, Renee, not you either] and I mean stop now ... eewww!) flushed, checked that everything went down the hole, washed my hands, took the paper towel that I dried my hands with, opened the door, and returned to my life at the table.
A few hours--and a few more cups of coffee--later, I returned to the ladies' room. The stall with which I became familiar was available. I opened and the bathroom gods switched off their "on duty" sign, because, though the toilet was flushed and ready for seating, there was no more toilet tissue!
Needless to say, I gasped.
I checked the first stall. I will be polite and simply say that it was unflushed.
Gasp.
I checked the last remaining non-handicapped stall. I will simply say that someone missed their aim and felt it necessary to inform everyone else of their bad target practice.
MENTALLY SCREAMING.
So, can't we just all pee along, ladies? Can we not aim and fire in the hole, and if we cannot, can we take care of cleaning up behind ourselves? I mean if you women can clean up behind your babies, you can at least do it for yourself. I'm not asking for much. I don't need to see your leftover pee on the toilet. I don't. Nobody else does. (And if you do, you need to stop reading my blog, you sick freak!) (Okay, not you, Dutch Bitch. And not you, either, Renee.)
I'm a woman. A woman that happens to use public restrooms when necessary. Like tonight. I was at a popular restaurant for several hours. I have this thing where I will go to a place to study because I tend to not do it in my room. I was going to a Japanese place, but it was closed, so I went to the Waffle House. I hate going to this particular Waffle House during the time of day I was going because the people there have no sense of cleanliness. I had a feeling that I was going to actually want something to eat, and I did not want that heffa fixing my food, so I drove around and ended up at this kind of restaurant that serves good versions of basic American food--burgers, steaks, catfish ... stuff like that.
I felt like I could get some coffee in a coffee cup since they have busboys that clean the dishes (as opposed to the servers having to serve and wash dishes like at the Waffle House). After several cups of coffee (and yes, I'm finally getting to the point, but come on ... you know me, I wander sometimes) I needed to go pee. I found the ladies' room which had four stalls. I went into one and, heavens to mergatroid and thank the bathroom gods (because I really had to pee), the toilet seat was not peed on and there was an ample amount of toilet tissue for my back forty and other place (no need for too many details--it is [supposedly] a family blog). I did my business (okay, you don't really want to know how I pee, and if you do, then you need to stop reading my blog, you big freak! Okay, not you Dutch Bitch, but anyone else that is entertaining the thought [okay, Renee, not you either] and I mean stop now ... eewww!) flushed, checked that everything went down the hole, washed my hands, took the paper towel that I dried my hands with, opened the door, and returned to my life at the table.
A few hours--and a few more cups of coffee--later, I returned to the ladies' room. The stall with which I became familiar was available. I opened and the bathroom gods switched off their "on duty" sign, because, though the toilet was flushed and ready for seating, there was no more toilet tissue!
Needless to say, I gasped.
I checked the first stall. I will be polite and simply say that it was unflushed.
Gasp.
I checked the last remaining non-handicapped stall. I will simply say that someone missed their aim and felt it necessary to inform everyone else of their bad target practice.
MENTALLY SCREAMING.
So, can't we just all pee along, ladies? Can we not aim and fire in the hole, and if we cannot, can we take care of cleaning up behind ourselves? I mean if you women can clean up behind your babies, you can at least do it for yourself. I'm not asking for much. I don't need to see your leftover pee on the toilet. I don't. Nobody else does. (And if you do, you need to stop reading my blog, you sick freak!) (Okay, not you, Dutch Bitch. And not you, either, Renee.)
Labels: Calls for Response, Humor, It Really Happened, My Opinion, Screaming, Thoughts
Here's Your Sign
Thursday, June 07, 2007
"The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything."- Walter Bagehot
So this morning was a comedy of errors. I woke up this morning at 4:19 after going to sleep at around 1:45. Because of the amount of cereal (and milk, might I add) I had a few hours previous to my eyes opening, I felt an urge to get some stuff out of my system. I did, returned to my bed, and considered staying awake. I didn't. I got out of bed rather late for the things I had to accomplish--work out and be at class by 8 am. My game plan was to pop out of bed (yes, pop.), put my books in my bag, grab the clothes that I intended to wear today, go to the workout place, work out, shower, dress, and smile with glee as my head bleeds internally from trying to understand what my Spanish teacher is trying to get into my thick skull.
I'm giving myself a sign for just waking up. I knew better than to wait so long.
My plan slowly seeps into impossibility when I realized I had to do 45 minutes of working out and it was 7:05. I had a second realization: I left the room without getting a tshirt.
And here's another sign just for you, Gina.
I go to the place where I was supposed to check out, walk by as I get a card scanned that is on my keychain, and work out. I monitor my time from how much time I have to be on the bike to real time. There is a fifteen-minute window where I am supposed to take a shower, dress, and drive to my class. Not going to happen. I decide I will just take an afternoon shower when I get to my room later today. I reach for my keys. They are not in my purse. They are not in the bag that I had my clothes in. They are not in my pockets. I call the person that is still downstairs where my keys may be: "I'll check.... Nope. I don't see any spare keys." I peer into my purse and rustle the items back and forth to find my keys. I check one pocket. I check the other pocket. I check my clothes bag. Not. There. I pat down my pockets. Not. There. I go outside to the security guard to see if he can get my car unlocked. "I can find someone who can unlock it for you."
Here's your sign, Mr. Security Man. It's because you look like you are related to Dopey. In fact, take mine.
I go inside to ask a customer assistance person about my keys. "Did anyone bring any keys up here?"
"Nope. Did you lose yours?"
No, sir. I didn't lose my keys. I donated them to the scavenger hunt the workout club was having and wanted to know if the winner has found them yet.
Here's your sign. I'm going to relieve you with my other sign. I am "Warning: I'm Stupid." sign-free!
I emptied out the main section of my purse. I emptied out the clothes bag. I walked to and fro at every place I could have dropped them including my car (even though I had them with me when I walked in--remember that I checked in with them.) more than a couple of times. I dig into the internal pockets of my purse. Not. There. That's when I glanced down and saw a black cord peeking out like a stupid baby kangaroo's head.
Yup. I am no longer signless.
The outside security guard comes inside and we get each other's eye contact. He motions me to come outside. I motioned to him that I was okay (I gave a huge thumbs up), and he curls his finger to himself to get me outside. I thumbs up him again to no avail. I finally recall that I do have my keyes and that perhaps I should shake them as a hint that I have found my keys.
"Oh, so you found your keys?"
Nope, Mr. Security Man, I didn't find my keys. I'm shaking my shakra at you. Dad gum it, I statrted to give him another sign. Oh well, here you go.
I got to Spanish class around 8:30. Dad gum it.
So this morning was a comedy of errors. I woke up this morning at 4:19 after going to sleep at around 1:45. Because of the amount of cereal (and milk, might I add) I had a few hours previous to my eyes opening, I felt an urge to get some stuff out of my system. I did, returned to my bed, and considered staying awake. I didn't. I got out of bed rather late for the things I had to accomplish--work out and be at class by 8 am. My game plan was to pop out of bed (yes, pop.), put my books in my bag, grab the clothes that I intended to wear today, go to the workout place, work out, shower, dress, and smile with glee as my head bleeds internally from trying to understand what my Spanish teacher is trying to get into my thick skull.
I'm giving myself a sign for just waking up. I knew better than to wait so long.
My plan slowly seeps into impossibility when I realized I had to do 45 minutes of working out and it was 7:05. I had a second realization: I left the room without getting a tshirt.
And here's another sign just for you, Gina.
I go to the place where I was supposed to check out, walk by as I get a card scanned that is on my keychain, and work out. I monitor my time from how much time I have to be on the bike to real time. There is a fifteen-minute window where I am supposed to take a shower, dress, and drive to my class. Not going to happen. I decide I will just take an afternoon shower when I get to my room later today. I reach for my keys. They are not in my purse. They are not in the bag that I had my clothes in. They are not in my pockets. I call the person that is still downstairs where my keys may be: "I'll check.... Nope. I don't see any spare keys." I peer into my purse and rustle the items back and forth to find my keys. I check one pocket. I check the other pocket. I check my clothes bag. Not. There. I pat down my pockets. Not. There. I go outside to the security guard to see if he can get my car unlocked. "I can find someone who can unlock it for you."
Here's your sign, Mr. Security Man. It's because you look like you are related to Dopey. In fact, take mine.
I go inside to ask a customer assistance person about my keys. "Did anyone bring any keys up here?"
"Nope. Did you lose yours?"
No, sir. I didn't lose my keys. I donated them to the scavenger hunt the workout club was having and wanted to know if the winner has found them yet.
Here's your sign. I'm going to relieve you with my other sign. I am "Warning: I'm Stupid." sign-free!
I emptied out the main section of my purse. I emptied out the clothes bag. I walked to and fro at every place I could have dropped them including my car (even though I had them with me when I walked in--remember that I checked in with them.) more than a couple of times. I dig into the internal pockets of my purse. Not. There. That's when I glanced down and saw a black cord peeking out like a stupid baby kangaroo's head.
Yup. I am no longer signless.
The outside security guard comes inside and we get each other's eye contact. He motions me to come outside. I motioned to him that I was okay (I gave a huge thumbs up), and he curls his finger to himself to get me outside. I thumbs up him again to no avail. I finally recall that I do have my keyes and that perhaps I should shake them as a hint that I have found my keys.
"Oh, so you found your keys?"
Nope, Mr. Security Man, I didn't find my keys. I'm shaking my shakra at you. Dad gum it, I statrted to give him another sign. Oh well, here you go.
I got to Spanish class around 8:30. Dad gum it.
Labels: Humor, It Really Happened
Yes, I'm Still Around ... Well ...
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln
So, what's going on with me? I hate British Literature, at least trying to memorize poets' poems--I got my second exam back in that class and I cried; Journalism's okay, at least I think it is; I have a paper, a presentation, and several journal entries due in my history class--I'm about to work on my part of the presentation now; and Spanish--oh my goodness--I have to have all 14 tenses in my head, formulate sentences better, and a partridge in a pear tree.
That's the reason I've been slacking on my blog, and I'm sticking to it.
On an upnote, I'm thinking about a TTTT for later on today.
You know I love you, right?
So, what's going on with me? I hate British Literature, at least trying to memorize poets' poems--I got my second exam back in that class and I cried; Journalism's okay, at least I think it is; I have a paper, a presentation, and several journal entries due in my history class--I'm about to work on my part of the presentation now; and Spanish--oh my goodness--I have to have all 14 tenses in my head, formulate sentences better, and a partridge in a pear tree.
That's the reason I've been slacking on my blog, and I'm sticking to it.
On an upnote, I'm thinking about a TTTT for later on today.
You know I love you, right?
Labels: Humor, It Really Happened, Screaming
Okay. Really Quick. Something I Have to Share with You.
Monday, March 19, 2007
"Never believe anything until it has been officially denied." - Claud Cockburn
I finally did it. I bought a bra. It's too late, though. The girls tried to hold on as long as they could, but gravity was pulling harder than the elasticity in my bras were pushing. And we know how the twins never look exactly alike? Well, I didn't expect them to--ahem--age differently. Let's just say that I've got arrows aiming at different directions. I couldn't believe that there was a bra that was $35! What would a bra at that price do, give the girls their daily horoscopes? I'm jus' sayin'.
I also bought a pair of pants that were just a little too tight and a little too short. The hem can be taken out, but I am hoping that they will force me to work out a little harder than I have been. Shhhh... Yes any working out would be more than what I'm doing. At least it's on my mind! When was the last time you did a sit up? Huh? And don't you dare say just a few minutes ago, dad gum you! I love you and all, but I'm not worth lying to! ;D
Hopefully, I will get to tell you about my uneventful spring break. I lived through it, and that's saying a lot for living the last week in a house that has three pets and I'm asthmatically allergic to them.
Okay, I've got stuff to read and learn and memorize and write. So, you know I'm about to go to bed, right?
I finally did it. I bought a bra. It's too late, though. The girls tried to hold on as long as they could, but gravity was pulling harder than the elasticity in my bras were pushing. And we know how the twins never look exactly alike? Well, I didn't expect them to--ahem--age differently. Let's just say that I've got arrows aiming at different directions. I couldn't believe that there was a bra that was $35! What would a bra at that price do, give the girls their daily horoscopes? I'm jus' sayin'.
I also bought a pair of pants that were just a little too tight and a little too short. The hem can be taken out, but I am hoping that they will force me to work out a little harder than I have been. Shhhh... Yes any working out would be more than what I'm doing. At least it's on my mind! When was the last time you did a sit up? Huh? And don't you dare say just a few minutes ago, dad gum you! I love you and all, but I'm not worth lying to! ;D
Hopefully, I will get to tell you about my uneventful spring break. I lived through it, and that's saying a lot for living the last week in a house that has three pets and I'm asthmatically allergic to them.
Okay, I've got stuff to read and learn and memorize and write. So, you know I'm about to go to bed, right?
Labels: Humor, It Really Happened
Ten Things This Tuesday
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
"Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure." - Knute Rockne
I came to my room after my last mid-term exam and, as I locked the door, it hit me.
Ten things I'm going to do for Spring Break:
1. Fly to Las Vegas and see my good friend, Celine Dion. We go way back.
2. Finish off my condo in Manhattan. Should my granite countertops be sky blue or robin's egg blue?
3. Deny Brad Pitt another hot, sweaty week of constant lovemaking. Again.
4. Slap some sense into Bush. Never mind. It hasn't been working all this time.
5. Give Steven Spielberg another idea about a movie.
6. Coach Tom Hanks. Again. He's so needy.
7. Try to help out Jennifer Hudson find her fashion sense. Gold lame' at the Oscars? Geez. I tried to tell her...
8. Spend a day in my yacht off the coast of... well, I'd rather not say. I would like one day of privacy.
9. Play a couple of games with Federer. I have to keep him humble.
10. Also deny Brian J. White. Again.
Okay, so ten things I won't be doing on Spring Break. So sue me.
I came to my room after my last mid-term exam and, as I locked the door, it hit me.
Ten things I'm going to do for Spring Break:
1. Fly to Las Vegas and see my good friend, Celine Dion. We go way back.
2. Finish off my condo in Manhattan. Should my granite countertops be sky blue or robin's egg blue?
3. Deny Brad Pitt another hot, sweaty week of constant lovemaking. Again.
4. Slap some sense into Bush. Never mind. It hasn't been working all this time.
5. Give Steven Spielberg another idea about a movie.
6. Coach Tom Hanks. Again. He's so needy.
7. Try to help out Jennifer Hudson find her fashion sense. Gold lame' at the Oscars? Geez. I tried to tell her...
8. Spend a day in my yacht off the coast of... well, I'd rather not say. I would like one day of privacy.
9. Play a couple of games with Federer. I have to keep him humble.
10. Also deny Brian J. White. Again.
Okay, so ten things I won't be doing on Spring Break. So sue me.
Labels: Humor, Ten Things This Tuesday
Quirky Quote
Sunday, March 04, 2007
"It was when I found out I could make mistakes that I knew I was on to something." - Ornette Coleman
Okay, now I'm going to bed.
Okay, now I'm going to bed.
Labels: Feel Goods, Humor, Quotes
Ten Things This Tuesday
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
"The secret of being a bore is to tell everything."- Voltaire
Not to mock the season, but someone asked me a question which inspired--yes--a second TTTT.
Ten things I want to give up for lent:
1. My fat.
2. Being broke.
3. The taste of my foot in my mouth.
4. Writing papers.
5. College. I just want them to give me a degree so I can move on with my life.
6. Not having a man.
7. The lack of motivation of waking up to exercise.
8. Lack of sleep.
9. Seriously. Being broke. I really want to give up that.
Not to mock the season, but someone asked me a question which inspired--yes--a second TTTT.
Ten things I want to give up for lent:
1. My fat.
2. Being broke.
3. The taste of my foot in my mouth.
4. Writing papers.
5. College. I just want them to give me a degree so I can move on with my life.
6. Not having a man.
7. The lack of motivation of waking up to exercise.
8. Lack of sleep.
9. Seriously. Being broke. I really want to give up that.
Labels: Humor, Ten Things This Tuesday
Ten Things This Tuesday
"Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure." - George E. Woodberry
You know I love you, right? I love you so much that, though I am clueless to give up ten things this Tuesday, I will sit in front of this computer until I can think of something that will enlighten or entertain you.
Got it.
Ten random thoughts the people in my head are telling me to tell you:
1. "I want to go to sleep."
2. "I have an itch on my underarm."
3. "Oh my goodness! I can't believe she typed that! Do you?"
4. "Yup. I believe she did it. I'm kind of surprised that one of us hasn't said anything about the butt."
5. "My butt is moist."
6. "See what I mean."
7. "I'm going to go eat lunch, study my Spanish, read some essays and some short stories, meet with my teacher, work, eat dinner, have another meeting, then do some reading in British Literature."
8. "Now we all know you are not going to do all of that today."
9. "Well, I'm going to try, dad gum you. All of you."
10. "My butt is still moist."
You know I love you, right? I love you so much that, though I am clueless to give up ten things this Tuesday, I will sit in front of this computer until I can think of something that will enlighten or entertain you.
Got it.
Ten random thoughts the people in my head are telling me to tell you:
1. "I want to go to sleep."
2. "I have an itch on my underarm."
3. "Oh my goodness! I can't believe she typed that! Do you?"
4. "Yup. I believe she did it. I'm kind of surprised that one of us hasn't said anything about the butt."
5. "My butt is moist."
6. "See what I mean."
7. "I'm going to go eat lunch, study my Spanish, read some essays and some short stories, meet with my teacher, work, eat dinner, have another meeting, then do some reading in British Literature."
8. "Now we all know you are not going to do all of that today."
9. "Well, I'm going to try, dad gum you. All of you."
10. "My butt is still moist."
Labels: Humor, Ten Things This Tuesday