I Hate This Time of Year
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
"Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was." - Richard L. Evans
It always seems very hollow to me. I know why; the only people that I've spent the holidays with are not with me. My mom passed away September, 2004, the friends I had in the past are no longer near me, and establishing relationships around a new place can seem superficial.
Don't get me wrong, I have acquired some good friends, sincere people that I can talk to about almost anything. Yet, having no whole blooded siblings (my brothers--not half-brothers--were not raised with me and we are all not extremely close; we know each other when we see each other, but that's about it), I have nobody to connect the wonderful innocence that we all have in common in childhood memories.
I think it has a lot to do with the shortness of days. I always grumble every August about "the Ber's," Semptember, October, November, and December. Come January, though, I usually become happier. I count the days until my birthday, have it, then become optimistic about what I want to accomplish as the days get longer.
This year, since Thanksgiving, which I spent on campus instead of going home (yeah, I now realized that I should have done it regardless of how I was justifying saving money and gas by not going) my heart has cried. It is filled with so much sadness, I'm almost afraid that I'm having menopause instead. I've been so weirdly emotional that it is almost unbearable. I haven't told but two people how sad I've been. One person noticed only because they have seen a change in me that, for some reason, I cannot hide from her.
I hate that about her. I just have to say that. Don't you hate when people can read you like an open book when you actually want to be like a locked diary?
So, I get to take it out here. With you. You that love me so very much and, yup, you know I love you, too. I hope there are others like me who can identify with the time of year and will attempt to commiserate with me.
Now, let me find that makeup bag that has my smile in it and go forth throughout the day.
It always seems very hollow to me. I know why; the only people that I've spent the holidays with are not with me. My mom passed away September, 2004, the friends I had in the past are no longer near me, and establishing relationships around a new place can seem superficial.
Don't get me wrong, I have acquired some good friends, sincere people that I can talk to about almost anything. Yet, having no whole blooded siblings (my brothers--not half-brothers--were not raised with me and we are all not extremely close; we know each other when we see each other, but that's about it), I have nobody to connect the wonderful innocence that we all have in common in childhood memories.
I think it has a lot to do with the shortness of days. I always grumble every August about "the Ber's," Semptember, October, November, and December. Come January, though, I usually become happier. I count the days until my birthday, have it, then become optimistic about what I want to accomplish as the days get longer.
This year, since Thanksgiving, which I spent on campus instead of going home (yeah, I now realized that I should have done it regardless of how I was justifying saving money and gas by not going) my heart has cried. It is filled with so much sadness, I'm almost afraid that I'm having menopause instead. I've been so weirdly emotional that it is almost unbearable. I haven't told but two people how sad I've been. One person noticed only because they have seen a change in me that, for some reason, I cannot hide from her.
I hate that about her. I just have to say that. Don't you hate when people can read you like an open book when you actually want to be like a locked diary?
So, I get to take it out here. With you. You that love me so very much and, yup, you know I love you, too. I hope there are others like me who can identify with the time of year and will attempt to commiserate with me.
Now, let me find that makeup bag that has my smile in it and go forth throughout the day.
Labels: Thoughts
[ back home ]
Comments for I Hate This Time of Year