Gina's Been Depressed. Please Leave a Message after the Tone...
Sunday, March 09, 2008
"He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice." - Albert Einstein
So, over the last few weeks, I've been morbidly depressed. I've missed completing work in all of my classes, cried in my classes, stayed in my bed for days at a time, not sleep for more than five hours at a time, even suicidal thoughts.
That's the truth, and I'm sticking to it. SCREAMING!!!!!!
I'm dealing with the reasons why I've been behaving this way. For the most part, it's fear. I almost want to personalize it by capitalizing it. Fear and hopelessness has been hovering over me like an umbrella that's raining from under it. I've got stuff that I have to clear out of my head, but when a person deals with believing what others say since your childhood, those thoughts become voiceless--not being able to acknowledge that someone else has been telling me this crap instead of hearing it from my own voice.
Now, I have to ask of a huge favor. If you see my blog, please leave a note. Part of the reason I don't post often is because I really don't think anyone's been reading it. I don't need a pity party or a praising "you'll get through this" message. Just say, "hi." I need inspiration. You are that inspiration for me. I have had many thoughts to write about, but if I write without anyone telling me that they read it, then it's like not knowing if the husband takes out the garbage in the forest.
I'll try to do better. And to that one person who asked me, "now you know."
I still love all five of you.
So, over the last few weeks, I've been morbidly depressed. I've missed completing work in all of my classes, cried in my classes, stayed in my bed for days at a time, not sleep for more than five hours at a time, even suicidal thoughts.
That's the truth, and I'm sticking to it. SCREAMING!!!!!!
I'm dealing with the reasons why I've been behaving this way. For the most part, it's fear. I almost want to personalize it by capitalizing it. Fear and hopelessness has been hovering over me like an umbrella that's raining from under it. I've got stuff that I have to clear out of my head, but when a person deals with believing what others say since your childhood, those thoughts become voiceless--not being able to acknowledge that someone else has been telling me this crap instead of hearing it from my own voice.
Now, I have to ask of a huge favor. If you see my blog, please leave a note. Part of the reason I don't post often is because I really don't think anyone's been reading it. I don't need a pity party or a praising "you'll get through this" message. Just say, "hi." I need inspiration. You are that inspiration for me. I have had many thoughts to write about, but if I write without anyone telling me that they read it, then it's like not knowing if the husband takes out the garbage in the forest.
I'll try to do better. And to that one person who asked me, "now you know."
I still love all five of you.
Labels: Calls for Response, It Really Happened, Screaming, The Negatives
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