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Well, Guess What I Did This Morning

Monday, January 29, 2007
"Man, if you gotta ask you'll never know." - Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong

In the scheme of things, I didn't think that it was a big deal, but why does my soul want to cry? I really am on the verge of tears.

Let me say that the "woman" was actually my father. If you have read anything, especially last summer, you know that he and I have this communication problem. Well I changed my answering machine to the standard.

I feel as if there was some sort of power struggle. I almost feel like my father must need to feel like he has control over something or whatever. Heck, I don't know what his problem is for him to not only want to listen to the message, but to need to see that I have listened to him. Not all of the advice that he has given to me was best for me. This is one of those situations. I am utterly frustrated with my relationship with him. I think that I am really upset with this because it smacks submission to men. I've always given in. I've rarely have stood up for myself. I know in my heart that I see this little girl inside me that always did what other people told her and often got the short end of the stick, self-sacrificing, relinquishing, emaciated, stripped of my ability to believe in myself.

Moments like this depress me. Talk about feeling disgusted. It reminds me of the time when my ex-fiance wanted me to use the money I had to buy something that he could not get on his own. I cannot describe the self-disgust that I have for myself, much less the self-disgust that is imposed on me by so many people in my life.

Yup. I think that I am officially depressed about it. How maddening is that? I wish I could fix so much of myself, some of the things I know has got to be mental, but other things--those things that I see in myself that remind me of my parents (and none of them good)--that I almost feel that I cannot change. I do have dreams. I do have aspirations. Yet somehow, I don't feel that even I can support or confirm myself. I sure as hell cannot expect these things from my family, especially my father.

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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/29/2007 07:05:00 AM | Permalink | 3 comments

Why? Can somebody tell me why?

Saturday, January 27, 2007
"It is better that ten guilty escape than one innocent suffer."- William Blackstone

So last night I've been talking to a relative of mine. She told me that my voicemail was insulting. I asked her why it was so insulting, and she pretty much said that it just was, then added, "Some people don't even know what 'ambiguous' is!" After asking yet again what was so insulting about this message to her, she said, "If you don't know what's insulting about your message then I'm not going to tell you." She also mentioned that people will leave whatever messager that they are going to leave (I know, so they should not expect a call from me if I don't understand it), think that "this b%&^*$ is crazy" or some other abstract reason. She did also mention that people will shoot me for a messge like this.

Am I nuts?

Want to know what the message says? "I'm sorry we're not able to come to the phone at this time. Please leave your name and number and we will contact you as soon as possible. Ambiguous and incomplete messages will be discarded and ignored. Thank you." I am speaking in a perky, but professional, tone.

I have this message because there are actually people who call and either do not leave a message or tell me to call back at a certain number. I'm not calling you back if you cannot tell me who you are. It's that simple. I am so mad at her for thinking that she should be offended about my message. This is an older woman and she has told me this three other times. She made me so mad last night about it that I could barely sleep. If this person could just say something that relates to the message itself instead of sounding like she is trying to control everything that does not please her, I would be much more comfortable about considering changing the message. Heck, it's not like a great deal of her advice has ever been to my betterment.

Okay, I'm officially frustrated. Tell me I'm not nuts, people, and we can all move along with our lives.

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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/27/2007 10:32:00 AM | Permalink | 3 comments

A Daily OM Dose of Thought

Tuesday, January 23, 2007
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Your Comfort Zone
Create A Soft Place To Land
Our day-to-day demands can quickly take their toll on our well-being if we are not vigilant about caring for ourselves as best we can. One way we can ensure that we have an opportunity to relax and recuperate each day is to create a soft place to land when we arrive home. This landing pad, whether it is an entire room or merely a small corner of a larger area, can provide us with a safe and comforting refuge in which we can decompress and recover from the day's stresses. There, we are enveloped in feelings of security that transcend other issues that may be unfolding in our homes. Our landing pads also act as way stations that enable us to shift our attention away from our outer-world concerns and back to our inner-world needs.


To create a soft place to land in your home, begin by scouting potential locations. Or perhaps your entire home is your landing pad in which case you may only need to declutter. Your habits can often provide you with insight into the perfect spot, as there may be an area of your home you gravitate to naturally when you are in need of comfort. Any space in which you find it easy to let go of stress and anxiety can become your landing pad. A basement or attic, spare room, or unused storage area, furnished with items that soothe you, can give you the privacy you need to unwind. If you appreciate the elements, you may find that spending time in a section of your garden or outdoor patio helps you release the day's tensions. Preparing these spaces can be as easy as replacing clutter with a small selection of beautiful objects that put you in a relaxed frame of mind. Remember to consider noise and activity levels while choosing the site of your landing pad. If you know that ordinary human commotion will distract you from your purpose, look for a secluded spot.

The soft place to land that you create should inspire within you the mantra, "I can breath here. I can relax here. I know I am safe here." When you return to your home after braving worldly rigors, you will feel a subtle yet tranquil shift occur inside of you as you settle in to this most personal of retreats and feel centered once again.

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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/23/2007 08:57:00 PM | Permalink | 2 comments

My Birthday Post

Wednesday, January 17, 2007
"Forever is a long time, but not as long as it was yesterday."- Dennis H'Orgnies

Of course I don't have time to actually tell you about my birthday today, but I wanted to establish this post for when I do have a chance.

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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/17/2007 11:44:00 PM | Permalink | 8 comments

Ten Things This Tuesday

Tuesday, January 16, 2007
"Acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from coughing." - Ralph Richardson

"I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical." - Thomas Jefferson

Ten things that I'm afraid of this morning:

1. I will not lose weight this year. Mind you, it will not be completely my fault. I gave you a chance! I told you, but...

2. Nobody, or at least only a handful of people, will read and comment on my blog. I'm not doing a sit-up, I'm not walking, and it's all your fault because I really am exchanging working out for comments.

3. People here will not recognize my birthday. I don't want that either, mainly because I'm beginning to feel that...

4. My birthday has become just another day to even me! I'm no rocket scientist, but not being acknowledged... well, that's just a bunch of dookie, dad gum it!

5. Spanish class. For those of you who know, I'm scared. I'm terrified. I'm scared that I'm not going to do well in this and I really want to do well. I saw my Spanish professor and I'm utterly terrified. I'm feeling ill now because my semester starts within an hour with her! SCREAMING! SCREAMING, I TELL YOU, SCREAMING!!!!!!

6. Spanish class. Yup, scared enough that it bears repeating. SCREAMING AGAIN! SCREAMING! OH DEAR GOODNESS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT WITH NOT A DROP TO DRINK SCARED!!!!

7. Not doing well enough in my other classes. I have a ton of books to read and I feel overwhelmed. Hopfully I'll be able to get through them all. At least my Spanish class (SCREAMING!!!) may not require any writing papers.

8. My Spanish class will require writing papers. SCREAMING!

9. That I'm making the right decision. What if I don't get a degree after all of this hard work? You have no idea how smart the kids are around here. I mean there are people who have gotten 30-something on their ACT's and are here.

10. I will not get to accomplish any real goals this year. I don't want to muddle through the rest of my life. I feel like I have been and I just do not want that any more. I just don't know if I will ever learn the things that everyone else knows to make me have a normal life instead of struggling for the rest of my life.

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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/16/2007 06:55:00 AM | Permalink | 13 comments

His Day My Way

Monday, January 15, 2007
"People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up." - Ogden Nash

On this holiday one year ago, I submitted an op/ed piece that I'd like to share with you today. Itgot posted in my local city paper as well as in a newspaper in a large city. I'm thrilled to have read it again. I almost cannot believe these are my words, so you know that means I feel like I was led to write them. I hope you enjoy them as well.

What are your plans for today? I am delighted that the college I attend will be closed for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. It will give me a chance to prepare for my first classes after explaining policies and syllabi.

In the past, on the third Monday of January, i have done things that my ancestors of yesteryear were not able to do: walked in the front door of many otherwise racially exclusive restaurants and stores or rode in the front half of city transportation. It was my secret way of honoring Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and the era that allows me these now-normal actions.

I'd make sure that I wore my favorite t-shirt that displays Martin Luther King, Jr. and a quote:

"Violence as a way of acheiving racial justice is both impractical and immoral. It is impractical because it is a descending spiral ending in destruction for all. The old law of an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind. it is immoral because it seeks to humiliate the opponent rather than win his understanding; it seeks to annihilate rather than convert. Violence is immoral because it thrives on hatred rather than love. It destroys community and makes brotherhood impossible. It leaves society in monologue rather than dialogue. Violence ends by defeating tiself. It creates bitterness in the survivors and brutaility in the destroyers."

In a time where violence is used to express insignificant rationality as fervently as powerful causes, this quote is more exigent than when it was initially expressed.

I implore readers to take a few minutes andreflect how their lives would be different if a lady had decided to move to the back of the bus.

I implore everyone to consider how enriched we would all be without James Meredith's bravery and determination to become educated at the University of Mississippi.

I implore everyone to ask themselves if how they think about human equality is regressive or progressive.

I implore everyone to release the mental binds that restrict their humanity.

Finally, each of us should consider this holiday as an Independence Day in January.

I ask all who chose to honor this day to please do so with reverence. I know I will. I'll be the one in the black t-shirt.

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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/15/2007 04:09:00 PM | Permalink | 1 comments

The Glamorous Love Bizarre Life

Sunday, January 14, 2007
"Without freedom, no art; art lives only on the restrainst it imposes on itself, and dies of all others." - Albert Camus

I've got my fingers crossed on this post... hopefully this will do what I want it to do...




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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/14/2007 04:42:00 PM | Permalink | 1 comments

I Just Hope That I Lose As Much Weight As I Have My Mind For Even Doing This...

Friday, January 12, 2007
"What difference does it make how much you have? What you do not have amounts to much more."- Seneca

So take a look at my sidebar. Several blogs are punishing themselves by putting on this pledge. You know how much I love pain, right. I don't, but I do want to lose some weight and you can help me do it.

Because you love me. You DO love me, don't you?

So here is my pledge:
Blogger Pledge
I will exercise for comments.
Time Period: January 1- January 31
Type of exercise: Sit-ups and walking
Pledge: 1 sit-up and one minute of walking per comment with a maximum of 100 per day until January 31, 2007

So let me have it, people.

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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/12/2007 09:55:00 PM | Permalink | 4 comments

Ten Things This Tuesday...Oh no, not again...

Wednesday, January 10, 2007
"Let us not be too particular: it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all." - Mark Twain

Yup. I'm late again and I don't even have much time for this either, but since things are narrowing down to where I have to declare myself as "forty-something," I figured I better make this one count. I have one more Tuesday before my birthday, (would I be too narcissistic if I told you that I'll be 41 on January 17th, two days after Martin Luther King, and the same birthday as Betty White, Muhammed Ali, Jim Carrey, and James Earl Jones and that they are in wonderful company? Nah. Not me. Not my style...) so I will try to make my posts count worth something.

Okay, the other posts. This one will not mean much more than squat.

Ten things I am able to do that a woman half my age could not.
1. Have a man 10-15 years younger than me and it would still be okay. Hey, don't knock it 'til you've tried it. Now all I have to do is try it.
2. Laugh out loud and not care about what anyone thinks when they hear me. Well, I was doing that before, but at half my age, I was trying to be cool. Besides, my mama would always get on my case: "Stop all of that loud laughing! You sound like..." Fill in the blank on that; she'd fill it with cow, whore, prostitute, hooker, or whatever embarrassing or humiliating thing that would appear to make me quiet. Nowadays, I think my laugh is a fantastic characteristic, dad gum it. Dare I say that the people who know me would agree.
3. Wear weird things. I'll have to take a pic of my newest cap and put it in here to let you see what I mean. I'm not even sure how I look to other people with it on, but I adore it on me. Isn't that's what is supposed to matter?
4. Be myself. It's a little hard to do sometimes because there are parts of myself that I'd rather change.
5. Reinvent myself. Isn't 40 the new 30 anyway? Besides, I look so good for my age that I don't even have to...
6. Lie about my age. But I'm thinking about it. Especially since the average age people think I am is 24-34.
7. Reflect. I can take a look back at my life and be proud of what I didn't accomplish. Doen't make sense, huh... Yeah, I know. I'll have to do another total blog on that one.
8. Look forward with different eyes. The future at 40 is totally different than the future at 20. Let's face it, when we realize that we are adults or are no longer young, we see things in a totally different life.
9. Ask questions. There are some people in my life that I can ask questions about now that would seem disrespectful when I was half my age. I'd like to go have drinks in a smoky club with some of my older relatives.
10. Admit to mistakes. There's no sense in my having pride about things that I've done wrong. Truth be told, by the time people get to 40, we all would have made at least one error in judgement. If we are lucky, we may even be able to laugh at them, like the time I had five shots of Jose' Cuervo 1800 tequila and then ate an order of buffalo wings slathered with ranch dressing (huge mistake)!!!

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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/10/2007 01:06:00 PM | Permalink | 3 comments

Is It Half-Empty or Half-Full? I Can't Tell, It's Dark!

Monday, January 08, 2007
"I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."- Elvis Presley

Through a Dark Glass Philip is renovating his kitchen, but that is not what his blog is about. He has been doing this since August, 2005, and he has been doing it well.

His personal blog is primarily referring to his life with his Catholic church, but I'm going to ask you to do something specific. Go to his Saturday, December 27, 2006, blog and read about this book, Where There's Hope There's Life. I'm going as far as saying that it's worth seeking out this book. I'm intrigued by it and I hope you will be, too.

Philip, please forgive me for taking so long to post this. I've been checking your blog out daily, though.

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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/08/2007 07:32:00 AM | Permalink | 1 comments

Consolation Prize for the Other Bidders

"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting."-Ronald Reagan

Hopefully, I will be able to return to adjust this:

New York Nitty-Gritty: A hot pic blog. Worth a click.

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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/08/2007 07:28:00 AM | Permalink | 0 comments

Gonna Try Again...

Sunday, January 07, 2007
"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy." - Robert Anthony

Now on to the other sites. Hopefully, they won't stop me short.

Original Man My girl, Stillcity, is trying to establish a sisterhood and one step down Sunkingpoet is talking about swearing on the Koran.

Dirty Butter She is seeking out plush animals. They are so cute. See if you can help her out.

Celebrate Life Daily LifeSinger inspires me. She has a link that you have just got to click! I love it! I miss it! I want it! You just have to see it!

High Denzity I think he got spammed, but get past the first three posts and you'll see celebrity postings.

My Body for Life Challenge Jay's back on the saddle again! I am so happy for him. You have got to give him some love for what he's going to do!

Full Metal Photographer Kelly's got a pic of his wife. He does such great work. And the photo's really cute, too!

Living with Multiple Personalities My girl, Cat, is going through some things. I'm really hoping that she is doing okay. Give her a comment of support. She is such a strong woman that she blows my mind.

The Lost Girls Amanda, Holly, and Jen are still lost, but the denizens of the place they are visiting are much more lost, trust me. Read their Jan. 7, 2007, blog and you'll see what I mean. While you are there, you have got to read Holly's blog. She talks about getting over a fear and cultural differences.

Winsome Gunning Art Walk The Artist's work is so lush and beautiful, the colors are so clear... I feel like I've just breathed in some beach air, her work is so refreshing.


I've got more to go through, but I know me. I will sit here for another couple of hours and let this computer take my day away from me. Check out my blog links list to see what my people are doing.

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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/07/2007 11:46:00 AM | Permalink | 1 comments

What Are They Doing?

"The way to defeat fear: decide on a course of conduct and follow it. Keep so busy and work so hard that you forget about being afraid."
- Dale Carnegie


So what did I intend on doing today? Check out all of my blogs to see what they are doing.

I got stopped. It's all Jali's fault. I go to Jali's House and find some links. I click on this one and don't know what the sam hill it is because it is French. I got a feeling that every time the game failed, it was telling me how stupid I was. You tell me what the heck this game is about. And Jali, that's just cruel and inhuman. I don't get this game, either. You can go to this site for other interesting games. Have fun!
posted by Evolution of gina at 1/07/2007 11:39:00 AM | Permalink | 0 comments

Now That I Know How to Do This... An Oldie Remixed!

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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/07/2007 03:42:00 AM | Permalink | 3 comments

Lookie What I Ran Into!

posted by Evolution of gina at 1/07/2007 03:34:00 AM | Permalink | 0 comments

Look at What They Made Me Do!

Friday, January 05, 2007
"The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities. We need men who can dream of things that never were." - John F. Kennedy

I checked my email the other day. Among them was a friend who invited me to Facebook.

I cringed at the sight of it. Something about social circles freak me out in real life as it is. Now having to do it online? Good grief. Did I succumb to that demon? Yup. Sure did. It took me a while to set up my profile and stuff--I did some at my job and some at home. I finally did it, though. I had even thought about setting up one through my online name, Gina Kohl, but that may get confusing to me. Not that I don't mind, but my real name is so blatantly unusual that I don't like using it here.

I'm not sure that I would be able to completely get into divulging all of the information that they ask for. In fact, in the "interests" column, I wrote, " My interests interest only me. Why bore you with them?" I asked myself if I would I want to know everything there is to know about every friend I have? No. I don't think I do. I don't want to know what Brenda's interests are, what type of music she likes, what groups she's in, what other people say about her, what their interests are, how she knows all of these people... well, you get the point. What did I find myself doing? I clicked on just about every person I knew on this campus, asked them if they would be my friend, and when they did, I entered how I knew them, and... Let's just say that I had to slowly back away from the computer. I have a life! I have priorities! I was in the middle of watching the "America's Next Top Model" mega-marathon, for crying out loud!

So, will Facebook take in my soul? I will forbid it to do so and you want to know why? Because I love you! I won't let that dastardly monstrosity take up all of my time and let it try to keep me away from you! You mean the world to me! There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you!

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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/05/2007 10:22:00 AM | Permalink | 1 comments

Ten Things This Tuesday....Wait a Cotton-Picking Minute!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007
"That was all wrong because not all was right." - George Crabbe

Nope, I haven't lost my mind. It's Wednesday, but I am awake early and you want to know who was on my mind? You! Yes, you! Particularly the one relate-tive who says he looks forward to my TTTT. So here you go.

Ten things that I yearn for:
1. To hear Wilson Pickett, Lou Rawls, June Pointer, Billy Preston, Gerald Levert, and James Brown (and if you promise to not tell anyone, Buck Owens) sing one more time. (For Buck, I just want to hear him say, "Hee Haw" just one more time. I don't need a song from him, really. Is that wrong? Yup, it is, but then I'm no country-music fan, either.)

2. To see Mike Douglas and Edward Bradley (
the sexiest man in journalism!) perform one more intriguing interview.

3. To read one more new novel from Bebe Cambell Moore.

4. And while I'm at it, to be able to have such a successful career like she did.

5. To have another accidental president like Gerald Ford. At least the only accidents Ford appeared to be like pratfalls. Should our current president make only those kinds of mistakes... (Yup, I said it, but I still love you, my dear reader.)

6. To see Bruno Kirby (look up the name, you will know him by face), Shelley Winters, Tony Franciosa (good grief, he was a good-looking man), Al Lewis (another name you may have to look up), Don Knotts, Dennis Weaver, Darin McGavin, Maureen Stapleton, Kasey Rogers, Red Buttons, Jack Warden, Peter Boyle, Jack Palance, and Mike Evans (I just realized that you may have to look up a lot of these people. Don't worry, I got you.)

7. To have been smart enough (and excited enough) to have listened to
Louis Rukeyser.

8. To have remembered the Spanish I learned. I passed, but I really need to talk the talk and it is very frustrating not to be able to use it anywhere. I really want to know it as fluently as I know English.

9. To have successfully completed a different resolution. Resolving to not have any resolutions was a little too easy.

10. (Dare I say it...) A hug from my mama and to hear her be "Nikki."

Let me say that this is the link where I got to reflect on all of the people who died in 2006. It will give details on who all of those people are.


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posted by Evolution of gina at 1/03/2007 06:46:00 AM | Permalink | 0 comments